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Did I deserve it? Probably. I was unfaithful and while it wasn't recent, the act alone is definitely a good reason for her to breakup with me. Still, I'm here alone now with no one special to chat with from 6pm to 2am. No one as special to call while on lunch break. No one special at all.
What makes matters worse is that this was my 2nd chance. I was forgiven a first time, and now I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to give me any more chances to break her heart. So this is it...life without her. And while I know I deserve it, there's this part of me that won't stop pressing the #3 button on my cell phone that redials her. What the hell would I say if she picked up? There is a huge part of me that doesn't want her to pick up, because I know that to hear even a sniffle will hurt me like no one has before.
So as I sit here staring at my laptop, holding my phone, loudly playing the saddest songs in my library that make TOO MUCH SENSE right now, I strain to not call. I strain to keep the tears from running down my usually proud face, and I strain to think of a day that I'll actually change. We fell in love with each other. Flaws and All. I hope she never changes, and if she loved me before today then I hope I NEVER CHANGE, because I'm too stuck in my ways.
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Apparently I am destined to be a loving whore. I fall for someone quickly and soon as things get serious I mess up. Such is life, i guess.