I had foreseen this as a lackluster Halloween for the first time in several years. It was the first time none of my friends had a party planned… and this was one of the few times Halloween fell on a weekend. It seemed like the beginning of a crappy weekend so on Saturday morning, I woke up early and worked in the front yard. Nothing like mowing the lawn, getting grass in your hair and plucking weeds to brighten your day. :roll:

After the tiresome chore of yard duty, a friend and I decided to go to a sneak preview for my TCG (Trading Card Game) in Sacramento. I got a few good cards, but nothing to write home about. When the event concluded, we went to BJ’s Steakhouse:



where practically everyone was dressed up and looking good… and I don’t mean dressed up for Halloween, but dressed up for a soiree. Seemed kind of odd so we asked the waitress what the deal was and she told us that there was an annual event in Sacramento called the Exotic Zone Ball at the Cal Expo Center. Since we didn’t have anything planned, we decided to check it out. We figured there would be an abundance of hotties in costumes, after all, it is a party, right? WRONG!! (insert Family Feud buzzer)



It sucked!! We expected hotties and what we got were freakazoids! It ended up being a sausage party with very few women… and the women there were not attractive, at least to me. Even worse, it cost damn near $40 for the entry fee! It felt more like a gay parade than a Halloween party…



Not that there’s anything wrong with a gay parade, but it’s just not my scene. After 20 minutes of scoping out the scene from the parking lot, we decided to transform and roll out and check out a strip club in the area, Centerfolds. Since I had never been there before, I figured why not? We don’t have anything else going on.

Well, when we got to the club, the lot appeared eerily empty but we figured everyone was out partying since it was Halloween. We got carded, went in and they had a free unlimited drink promo going on so we took FULL advantage. We sat at a table and noticed a flyer that had the name Mary Carey on it. The name sounded familiar but I couldn’t quite place it. After a few moments, I asked my friend, “Is that the porn star that ran for Governor?” LOL! Turns out it WAS and she was going to be *ahem* performing that night! Whoo hoo!! For those that don’t know who Mary Carey is, she tried to run for the Governor’s office in California several years ago and failed miserably.







We still had an hour or so until Carey would perform so we kicked back and enjoyed the girls that performed on stage. To save money, we didn’t sit close to the stage as you had to constantly pump out money for the privilege of close T,A&C shots. The dim, colorful hues of the strip club make average women look amazing. The lighting obscures any imperfections or blemishes that would be seen under normal light. One of the downsides of strip clubs is the annoying douchebag MC that screams LOUDLY on the microphone for everyone to throw money onto the stage. If the music doesn’t give you a pounding headache, that a-hole on the mic certainly will.

Throughout the night, there was one girl that couldn’t get anyone to buy a lap dance from her.



She was attractive and had a very nice body, but there was something about her demeanor that screamed “Back off” so that’s precisely what everyone did when she asked for a dance. When you’re at a strip club, the girls walk around and ask if you want a lap dance. Usually, they’ll walk up, sit in your lap and entice you to think with the OTHER head so you’ll be suckered into a lap dance. The key is to NOT give any of the girls eye contact, especially if you don’t want their services. Well, this particular girl grew increasingly frustrated after a night full of fail so she walked over to my friend and me and said, “Are you guys going to sit here and pick your noses all night?” My friend and I looked at each other with that quizzical, one eyebrow raised “WTF?!?” look.



That’s not quite the way to ask someone for a dance. Then, she got brave, jumped into my lap (which I didn’t really mind because of the flesh factor) and asked me in a melancholy tone, “Is there something wrong with me? I haven’t gotten a dance all night.” My eyes widened, I shrugged my shoulders and said in that cartoony Scooby Doo voice, “Raouno row?” (I don’t know) I should have been brutally honest and told her the truth- she needs to change her attitude and smile, but at this point, she needs to figure it out for herself so I just said, “Sorry…” She got off my lap, walked away with her shoulders sloped over and her head down like a reprimanded child.



When she got out of ear shot range, my friend and I cracked up laughing. I felt kind of bad but it was so pathetically hilarious.

Well, it was time for the main attraction, Mary Carey. She got a nice intro from the obnoxious MC, came out and put on a pretty good performance. She gained a few lbs. in unfavorable spots but still looked decent and man, can that woman gyrate her hips. During her routine, she even threw out free posters to people in the crowd (one of which I managed to grab) and DVD’s. Yes, those DVD’s. I wasn’t fortunate enough to get a DVD, but after her performance, all of the regular girls came out brandishing DVD’s and that obnoxious jackass MC that controls the microphone shouted “Free DVD’s with a lap dance which includes two songs!” Initially, I wasn’t going for it and thinking “whatever”… UNTIL this hottie Filipina walked up in front of me, tilted her head, looked me directly in the eyes, grabbed my hand with that soft, sweet bronze skin and said in that squeaky college girl voice that drives me crazy, “Free DVD with a lap dance? Two songs…” I was immediately in lust. I tried to say “no” but sylent Jr. “down there” hit the manual override button, took control of my vocals and said, “Sure!” LOL! Since High School, I’ve had a weakness for Indian and Filipina women... just a preference.



Well, she took me by the hand and led me to this dimly-lit room with private partitions for a personal dance. The chair was incredibly stylish, comfortable and felt like a bed. The good thing about this strip joint is the lap dances are private so you don't have everyone else enjoying what you're paying for. Well, first, she sat me down, BS’ed and flirted with me for a while to get acquainted, break the ice and to get me in the mood. She was frakking hot so I was already in the mood. LOL! The next song came on and she started her seductive routine. She put her leg up onto the chair I was seated in exposing her heavenly, smooth, toned calf muscle. Gawd, I so wanted to take a bite out of it so badly! It looked like a ripe Mango just begging to be eaten; voluptuous and delicious. She even had those tiny, bony, defined ankles that I love so much.



She began slithering around me, fluttering her fragranced brunette locks in my face and lightly exhaling on me while rubbing her perfectly augmented breasts all over my chest. Her breath was minty-fresh and her perfume smelled potently sweet, like she used Vanilla extract as a surrogate. Not only did sylent Jr. want to have his way with her, I wanted to tongue her down then eat her up. LOL! She then began to strip down all the way to the bare necessities and work me like very few have.



Her opening routine made me quiver like a virgin... "touched for the very first time." She gave me a light massage while rubbing her mammaries of heaven into my face. She allowed her glistening, luscious lips (NOT those lips) to come oh-so-close to kissing my ear, cheek and neck while remaining seductively intoxicating. At this point, I totally forgot that I was engaged and started thinking, “Oh, Gawd! Please kiss me! Please kiss me! Please kiss me! Please kiss me!” She then grabbed the outside of my thighs, slithered up my crotch, pressed her breasts together against my manhood and gave me a stroke job with her boobs. Gawd damn! She then turned around, sat in my lap and did the cyclone twist, gyrating those beautiful hips while leaning backwards onto my shoulder feigning like she's about to make out with me. While she’s all over me, she’s allowing me to stroke and caress those lovely legs and grip her firm ass cheek. She then backs up a bit while still in my lap, looks me in the eyes with that seductive glare, sticks a finger in her mouth and rubs her nipple in a circular motion making it glisten under the dim light of the VIP room. I then had to check my pants for any accidents. LOL! She then put the other nipple in my face and by golly, sylent Jr. wanted so badly for me to do like DX and “suck it!”



When she was done with me, I was exhausted and felt like I had just ran the mile. I walked out of the VIP room with my legs shaking and spirits high (among other things) with my DVD in tow. After that, I had earned it. She gave me a nice, firm hug and we bid our fond farewells.

Afterwards, Mary Carey was doing a FREE signing so I got my poster AND DVD signed. Lucky day! I got to meet yet another celebrity!... well, sort of. Now, I see how people get addicted to "scrip" clubs. "I was just being rebellion." (Pac Man Jones)