Last film you saw, vol. 6

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Hitch-Hike (1977)

"What if they make a movie of it?"

Mandy (2018)

"You are a vicious snowflake."

Not sure how I feel about this. I wanted to love it and I didn't hate it, but it was weird and not what I was expecting.

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The Secret Life Of Pets 2 (2019)

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The Black Cauldron (1985)

"Are you a lord, or a warrior?
-I'm an assistant pig keeper."

While not great, this was better than I expected, but I have no knowledge of the books.

Back to the Future II (1989)

"The time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!"

Watched last night for the 30th anniversary. I remember seeing this in theaters (one of the first I went to with just my stepdad) and being surprised by the announcement that #3 would be that summer. Of course, we're now well past the 'future' of 2015 and still no airlanes for flying cars and no dehydrated pizza. Interestingly, the joke about there being over 250 channels on their TV is now lowballing it!

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I really want to check out the Black Cauldron now that I have Disney +. I love some of the more off-the-best Disney stuff; Bed-knobs and Broomsticks anyone?

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Petey Wheatstraw (1977)

"Let's bury this fool!"

Boyhood (2014)

"You think they ever will make another Star Wars?
-I don't know. I mean I think if they were to make another one that the period where this game is set is where it would have to be because there's nothing after, really.
No, Return of the Jedi is over. There's nothing.
-Yeah, there's nothing else to do there."

Heard about this when it was coming out. Glad I finally saw it. I always wondered why people hadn't tried it before (a fictional drama charting a kid's growth). Turns out, people have done really long productions but in different ways.

Bed-knobs and Broomsticks anyone?

Loved it as a kid and to this day "Portobello Road" and "Beautiful Briney Sea" pop in my head randomly. Need to get a copy some day.

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Oh yes, the beautiful briny sea, that one sneaks into my head randomly.

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Blackenstein [aka Black Frankenstein] (1973)

"I don't feel right."

Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie (1996/9)

"Just give up! We've played a hundred times already!"

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That poster looks like the film is having an identity crisis between being a horror spoof and being a porno with monster masks on the dudes.

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Don't Cry, It's Only Thunder (1982)

"In my country, they have no time to be kids."

Inspiring story of a medic in Vietnam who reluctantly takes over caring for some war orphans when his friend dies, but becomes obsessed with their welfare. Based on a true story I now want to read. The lead is played by the guy who played Eddie in the It miniseries and Robert Englund plays a pre-Freddy supporting role. This sorely needs a disc release (I Youtubed it).

[Rifftrax:] Samurai Cop (1991/2016)

"The teddy bears in the background let us know Joe is secretly eight years old."

Literally made me laugh until my side hurt. Great riff.

That poster looks like the film is having an identity crisis between being a horror spoof and being a porno with monster masks on the dudes.

Yeah, that's just an exploitation thing. It has topless parts and such, but not more than others in the genre. It's sort of a horror spoof, but not Brooks or Abrahams-level. I'd recommend it more for fans of blaxploitation and grindhouse than horror or horror comedy (it's not exactly hilarious). Blacula is like Citizen Kane compared to this, but that's part of the fun if you can dig that, turkey.

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Toy Story 4 (2019)

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Cats (1998)

"It's so easy to leave me all alone with the memory of my days in the sun."

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom (1975)

"We Fascists are the only true anarchists, naturally, once we're masters of the state. In fact, the one true anarchy is that of power."

Definitely don't recommend to most people and it didn't have a clear ending, but since it's one of those that makes the lists of sickest movies, I "had" to at least see it once. An adaptation of de Sade where four powerful people in fascist N. Italy abuse and torture 9 young men and 9 young women while 4 older prostitutes narrate depravities. Weird. Lots of obvious gross outs.

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Mr. Majestyk (1974)

"Hey buddy, you goin' to eat those sausages?"

"Hey buddy. Like I told you, you're in the wrong industry."

So I finally got in this revered classic. How does it hold up? Well and not-so-well.

I've long heard about Bronson's acting being pretty good, and he is a very good actor here. He plays a pretty average-looking older guy who is world-weary and confident, nothing cocksure about him and with a damn friendly face. Great voice, too. I liked Death Wish (1975) with him, that was a great film, and at some point I'll see the original version (and probably the remake) of The Mechanic.

To be clear, Bronson isn't at fault here. He's very relatable in this film, an honest farmer who just wants to be left well enough alone and pick his crop. When I saw the trailer a little while back, I could have sworn that Paul Koslo's racketeer character, Bobby Kopas, was the main villain, but nope, it's really profession hit man Frank Renda (Al Lettieri, whom I first saw in The Getaway opposite Steve McQueen). Lettieri is great here, ruthless and menacing, an old-hand killer for sure.

Lee Purcell also seems familiar, but I checked her credits and I don't think I've ever seen her before.

Koslo is hilarious inept as Kopas, who at first seems like he might be the hot-shot subordinate of a racketeering boss but it turns out he's just a too-big-for-his-britches thug with a small crew of even-dumber thugs following him. This makes Lettieri's interactions with him borderline comedy gold, because Lettieri's Renda is clearly not in the mood for an amateur like Kopas constantly dropping the ball.

Taylor Lacher as Gene Lundy is a solid support, and he does some serious work during the jailbreak scene, racing around and jumping over cars to bust Renda out. Almost amusing how his loyalty doesn't pay off in the end.

Linda Cristal was surprisingly good as Nancy Chavez (I actually understood her "not related to the other Chavez" remark as meaning Cesar Chavez), and how can you not at least like Alejandro Rey's Larry Mendoza? Dude's a buddy.

The factor I really didn't care for was the police. Damn near everything about them was what lowered this film. I get the "suspension of disbelief" and that the protagonist, especially in an action film, has to be against overwhelming odds, but sweet baby Jesus, the cops here was borderline brainless. Frank Maxwell as Lt. Detective McAllen certainly wasn't a bad actor, but he was acting out some atrocious ideas and making it clear he has no idea how basic tactics or evidence work (suspicious dude claims he was beaten and menaced with a gun? Only witnesses are his friends? Automatic jail time despite the accused being a longtime resident with no prior local history of crime, case closed; McAllen also doesn't seem to know how to put a watch on Bronson or how to have the target of a crime followed). Beyond him, why is law enforcement in this film so kneecapped? Renda is wanted on charges of paid murder, he's been sought before, and then there's a big and deadly jailbreak and he's only expected to make a court date? Cops at the bar but they don't immediately arrest his ass? What the flying fuck?

But you know what was genuinely great? The action. The aforementioned jailbreak, the big chase with the old pickup truck, even the tense hunter-hunted scene at the secluded woodland house, all have some great stuff in them (that truck must have been worked to the nines, because holy shit does it do stunt work!). Film is definitely worth checking out for those bits.

So while I don't think I'll go out of my way to purchase this, I do have to recommend it as a classic tough-guy flick.

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North Star (1996)

"My ancestors taught me you cannot own the land, you can only respect it."

Legendary (2013)

"Aim for the mouth."

Okay flick with cheap CGI. Adkins and Lundgren are competing cryptozoologists who fall out over a giant bear incident and then take different approaches on a giant amphibian plaguing a water plant in China.

Brightburn (2019)

"Take the world."

Really dug this one. I don't know that I agree with the makers that it's the first superhero horror because I would say that there's a strong element of that in Chronicle and it's implicit in crossover comic character movies like Blade, Vampirella, Constantine, Spawn, and Ghostrider. The originality (which they didn't seem to want to spell out in the promos) was making the Superman story a horror story (heck, it's even in Kansas!).

Mr. Majestyk (1974)...

I know I saw this one and basically dug it, but don't remember the deets enough to interact. According to Netflix, I saw it in 2013 and gave it a middle-of-the-road 3 stars.

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Forgot to mention during my review, but the plan Bronson comes up with to turn in Lettieri is unbelievably stupid and overly complicated and risky as hell. The one single thing that was bright about it was he wanted to deliver Lettieri to the cops so they couldn't claim discovery and screw him again. Beyond that, he dropped the fucking ball.

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[Rifftrax:] Beyond Christmas [aka Beyond Tomorrow] (1940/2017)

"He's singing, but he's wishing he were in bed tweeting about depression."

[Rifftrax:] Magic Christmas Tree (2011)

"Voted town's flattest head three years running."

[Rifftrax:] Ice Cream Man (1995/2018)

"Clint Howard: the Clint Howard of brothers."