Holy shit people, I've just discovered the real reason why the Pope resigned. Before I continue, take 2 minutes out of your life to read this "fanfic". No really; it's literally A PARAGRAPH LONG.

TITLE: BLACK JESUS
SUMMARY: Soulja Boy tells Jesus how he feels.
Okay, give yourselves a minute for your mind to thaw out from the numbing shock of what was just read. Now, where were we? Ah yes: THAT IS THE REAL REASON THE POPE RESIGNED.

It wasn't because of infirmity or incontinence or an ailing mind; it was because it had finally been leaked that JESUS CHRIST - he who wore sandals even in winter and who had long and luxurious DISGRUNTLED BROWN HAIR* - totally boned Soulja Boy back in 30 A.D.

(Not to mention that all of this sexin' apparently happened while all of Soulja Boy's posse stood around and watched as their boy taught the Son of God about carnal sin and earthly pleasure. Seriously, who knew that Jesus Christ had such a voyeuristic streak?)

Surprise voyeurism aside, the Vatican has been covering up stuff like this for centuries. I mean, whoa, according to many people on FF.net, Jesus Christ boned A LOT of people. Most of them happen to be celebrities or historical figures, all of whom have inexplicably discovered the miracle of time travel. (And all of whom, have not shared this technological breakthrough with anyone else.) Clearly time travel is to be used only if you plan on going back in time to screw the brains out of Jesus Christ.

TSK.

I always knew that the King James version of the Bible was glaringly inaccurate.

* Refer to fic to understand this reference.

PS - I am SO torn as to whether or not this blog post goes under the 'Random Weird' or 'Fandom Strange' categories. On one hand, I really snigger when I think about the fact that The Bible has fandom AND fanfiction written for it. On the other hand...well, The Bible sort of is fanfiction, now isn't it?

Hmm...ah well, I'll keep it uncategorized for now.