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Fanfic: Fears Made Into Light

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  • Fanfic: Fears Made Into Light

    This is my fanfic I've been working on for the contest. It's my own elseworld's story that I am very proud of. Hope you like it. ENJOY!
    ==================================================

    Start
    ====

    Green, yellow, green. A shady figure stood in the middle of a dark abyss. He had dark black hair and a slight beard. His eyes were filled with sorrow. The only light visible was a strange green light approaching. The figure's eyes widened as the light became clearer. It was an angel...wait. It was himself! But not quite. It was himself when he was filled with the power of the Ion entity. The new arrival's face was calm and controlled.

    "It's not your fault, Kyle." Ion assured him.

    "How can you say that? Who's fault was it then?" Kyle snapped, furious,

    "I watched them all be slaughtered when I was powerless to do anything!" Kyle growled.

    "They were destined to die." Ion explained.

    "Just like you are." A cold harsh voice emerged from the darkness.

    Kyle turned around to see another figure. He had a large white streak of hair across his head and eyes only meant for the devil. It was Kyle when he was possessed by Parallax.

    "What's the matter Kyle? Afraid?"

    "NOOOOO!" Kyle's eyes popped open.

    He looked around to see his apartment. It was only a dream.

    Kyle Rayner walked into the bathroom and turned on the sink. He threw some water onto his face. He stared at his reflection.

    "It's already been 11 years." He said to his reflection.

    Kyle got changed and then opened a drawer. He pulled out a blaster pistol and shoved it in his coat pocket. He took a deep breath and then walked out of the apartment.

    Kyle Rayner, a former Green Lantern, stepped out into the world. A world ruled by...The Sinestro Corps.

    Kyle walked down the streets of New York. Ever since Sinestro had been ruler, aliens from across the galaxies had come to Earth. He looked out into the bay where the Statue of Liberty once was. But now it was a monument of Sinestro. It had been that way since what people now called Golden Wednesday.

    Kyle entered a cafe to see a few Sinestro Corps officers standing by the counter.

    "Pssst! Kyle!" A voice called quietly.

    Kyle saw the Daxamite, Sodam Yat, sitting at a table with a group of other figures, including the Green Lanterns, Arisia and Tomar Tu. Kyle took a seat and they all greeted him happily.

    "Kyle, I'd like to introduce you to Geoff, Ivan, and Ethan." Tomar nodded to three other rebels.

    "We've found a new hideout. We're heading there in a few minutes." Sodam smiled.

    A bright light filled the cafe. At first Kyle thought it was the sun but realized otherwise. A bald pink skinned figure stepped in. His yellow ring tight around his finger. He had a brown goatee and creepy eyes.

    "Attention!" Amon Sur announced.

    The cafe went quiet.

    "We have reason to believe that there are a group of rebels in this cafe. Reveal yourselves immediatley."

    Kyle reached for his blaster.

    "Die Sinestro scum!" A man that Kyle did not know stood up with a knife.

    "Let's go out the back. Now!" Sodam whispered as they started to sneak out.

    The man with the knife charged at Amon.

    "Fool!" Amon smirked as he raised his fist and a yellow beam slammed into the man.

    Kyle and the others ran outside and down an alleyway.

    "Who was that?" Kyle wondered.

    "Ennis. He's one of ours. He at least gave us time to escape." Sodam replied.

    Tomar led everyone down a sewer and into a large warehouse on an abandoned pier. The room was filled with several rebels, of all species. Some of them were even Green Lanterns.

    "Everyone listen up!" Tomar called.

    The room went quiet.

    "The time for justice is approaching." Tomar announced.

    "But to explain exactly what happened to force us to perform this desperate act is none other than Kyle Rayner, the former Green Lantern of sector 2814!" Arisia told everyone.

    Kyle stood tall, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

    "This won't be easy for me to tell. But I think it needs to be told." Kyle frowned.

    He knew everyone was staring at him intently.

    "The day the Sinestro Corps attacked, I was Parallax and I ambushed Hal Jordan...yes THE Hal Jordan's family. He fought me and managed to free me from that parasite. But Parallax threatened Guy Gardner, saying he would kill Ice. The so called fearless Guy Gardner felt fear." Kyle stopped for a second a tear falling down his cheek.

    "Parallax possesed him. He murdered John Stewart and the two Guardains, Ganthet and Sayd. They were going to give me a GL ring but they were killed before they could. Hal tried to fight him but Sinestro appeared and murdered Hal. I escaped but the fight wasn't over. Sodam..." Kyle nodded.

    Sodam stepped up.

    "I was attacking the Anti-Monitor when the smurfs came and tried to give me the Ion power. The robot whale was too strong and killed the Guardians and destroyed Ion. Prime came and slaughtered hundreds of GL's and tons of Earth's heroes. I survived but the Sinestros won and forced us to retreat. Only a few of us survived."

    No one in the room even dared to breath.

    "Now we must strike back! We have recently aquired the layout of Sinestro's fortress." Tomar Tu proclaimed.

    "How?" Kyle asked.

    "Me." A beastly voice answered.

    Kyle turned around to see Arkillo.

    "Arkillo!" Kyle lunged at him but Sodam fired a green beam from his ring that trapped Kyle.

    "Calm down. After your old drill sergent took off my finger and my ring, the Sinestros left me for dead. I want payback." Arkillo grinned, revealing his rows of monstrous teeth.

    "I hate you Lanterns but Kilowog killed himself from the sadness. I never got my chance to kill him because of Sinestro."

    "I don't care! You murderer!" Kyle yelled.

    "Enough! It's time." Arisia said.

    In Sinestro's fortress, many people sat around a table. Superman Prime wore his Sinestro Corps power suit. He was much stronger and older looking than he was during the war. A computer was on the table but a Manhunter stood near it.

    "Any news, Henshaw?" A figure at the head of the table, hidden in the shadows asked the computer.

    "Amon reports that the rebel prisoner revealed that the rest of them are preparing to attack." A voice from the computer replied.

    "A pity the late Anti-Monitor destroyed your body. You could have helped." The silhouette sighed.

    "Don't worry my disciple, Zechs is very strong." The computer answered.

    "Why'd you have to kill our Guardian?" A red haired man wearing a yellow suit and a long cape asked Prime.

    "He was a jerk." Prime simply replied.

    "Parallax. Get into position." The yellow suited figure dissapeared into the darkness.

    Kyle was holding his blaster pistol as they walked through the catacombs beneath the fortress.

    "So if I blow up that power battery, they'll retreat?" Kyle asked Tomar.

    "Hopefully."

    They opened up the floor of the fortress and climbed up. They were in the throne room of Sinestro's fortress.

    "Spread out. You all know your mission." Arisia said as her green ring glowed.

    "And we all know ours!" Amon Sur screamed as the Sinestros flew into the room. There were at least fifty of them.

    "I'll deal with Sur. Arisia and Kyle go!" Tomar commanded as his ring glowed and he soared into the air.

    Kyle and Arisia ran out of the throne room, reading the layout of the fortress as they ran.

    "So the power battery should be a little ways up ahead." Arisia acknowleged.

    Amon and Tomar Tu traded blows.

    "You and I are similar! We both have fathers that were Green Lantern legends!" Amon chuckled as he fired a blast at Tomar.

    Tomar deflected it with a construct.

    "The big difference is that I respected my father for being a hero. You disgraced your father's name!" Tomar roared as he formed a sword and stabbed it through Amon's chest.

    Superman Prime entered the room with another hundred Sinestros. Arkillo pulled out a blaster and aimed it at Tomar.

    "You shouldn't have trusted me." He said quietly as he aimed.

    "We didn't." The rebel, Andrew, said as he aimed his pistol at Arkillo.

    "Parry! Dave! Jim! You over there...ringslinger! Let's take this guy down!" Andrew said as he tackled Arkillo to the ground.

    A GL and a few other rebels that he called for joined him in the fight. A cyborg flew into the room.

    "Zechs! You better be as good as Henshaw said you were." Prime spat.

    "Better!" Zechs laughed as he tackled a Green Lantern named Maverick.

    Kyle and Arisia entered a dark room. There was a yellow flash and Arisia dissapeared.

    Kyle looked around, shocked. The door to the room closed and a yellow light appeared before Kyle.

    "Alley rat!" Sinestro mocked.

    Sinestro stroked his gray moustache. Kyle aimed his pistol.

    "I owe you for giving me the scar on my back." Sinestro clenched his teeth.

    "No. I owe you for killing my mother." Kyle growled.

    "You could've lived if you continued to be Parallax."

    "I'd rather die."

    "So be it!" Sinestro formed a giant hammer with his ring and then hit Kyle across the room.

    Prime ripped off a rebel's head as Sodam tackled him.

    "If I had the Ion power I would've killed you that day!" Yat hollered as he slammed Prime's head against the floor.

    "Doubtful!" Prime replied as he kicked Sodam away from him.

    "If you're really Superman then why don't you wear the symbol?" Yat taunted.

    Prime ripped open his power suit to reveal his scar on his chest.

    "I always wear the symbol."

    Prime punched Yat through a wall.

    Arisia was tied up in a dark room.

    "Do you feel fear?" Parallax stood in front of her.

    "Guy! You have to fight it! If Kyle and Hal could break free then so can you!" Arisia pleaded.

    "Haha. Gardner's dead." Parallax cackled.

    "Remember Ice? Warrior's? Baseball games with John? You have to fight it if you want to be free!" Arisia cried.

    "Ice." Parallax's face went blank. His eyes filled with sadness for just a moment.

    "Get out of my head." Guy's voice emerged.

    "You're mine, Gardner." Parallax's voice replied.

    "Fight it Guy!" Arisia yelled.

    "Die witch!" Parallax roared as he broke her neck.

    He started coughing and dropped to his knees. A hand erupted from his mouth.

    "No! It can't be!"

    Kyle dodged Sinestro's blast and then kicked him to the ground. He pointed his pistol at him.

    "It ends here!" His finger tightened on the trigger.

    "No it doesn't." Sienstro smiled as a yellow beam his Kyle to the floor. Sinestro stood up and prepared his next blast.

    Prime grabbed Sodam by the throat.

    "Even if you had Ion, I would've beaten you to death!" Prime taunted.

    Sodam's eyes glowed and heat burst out and hit Prime in the eyes. Prime fell to the floor in agony.

    "My eyes!" Prime shrieked.

    Arkillo punched the rebels off of him and aimed at Yat. Sodam didn't feel a thing. The blast hit him in the head instantly.

    Sinestro cornered Kyle.

    "Alley rat, your feeling something a Green Lantern should never feel..."

    Kyle remembered the death of his mother and Hal and Jade and everyone he ever cared about.

    "FEAR." The last thing Kyle saw was a yellow flash and then darkness.

    Tomar limped towards the exit. The rebels were retreating. Tomar opened the gate and went outside to see a large mob of people. A smile appeared on his face before a yellow blast hit him from behind. Sinestro stepped out into the throne room to see Prime sprawled on the ground.

    "Get up brat! Where's Parallax?" He asked as he walked toward the gate.

    "He's unaccounted for sir." Arkillo smiled.

    "Nice work sergent. Let's celebrate by attacking anyone in Times Square." Sinestro chuckled as he stepped into the sunlight to see hundreds of people in front of the fortress.

    They were all holding baseball bats and golf clubs but what caught Sinestro's eyes were what they were wearing. Green shirts with the Green Lantern symbol taped on. They ran at the fortress in glory and began to chant.

    "In Brightest Day! In Blackest Night! No Evil Shall Escape My Sight Let Those Who Worship Evil's Might Beware My Power Green Lantern's Light!"

    Epilogue

    In an abandoned hallway of the fortress, Guy Gardner crawled. He noticed a bright light approaching. It circled around his finger and formed a green ring.

    "Sinestro...beware my power." A large grin spread across his face.

    =================================================

    Hope you enjoyed it. It's probably over 10,000 words but I'm not sure. If I'm disqualified then I'm sorry but I just wanted to show you guys what I can do! Peace out!
    Prime
    Attention Whore
    Last edited by Prime; 12-18-2007, 03:49 AM.

  • #2
    Nice work 300! What a cool take on the war.

    FYI it is 2095 words.
    sigpic
    Winner: Reality TV draft 2014


    "Weeds. All of them weeds. I am perfection, and I am alone in the garden of the universe." - Cyborg Superman

    Comment


    • #3
      nicely done

      a new take on the end of the war, while the last battle seemed a bit forced and 'quick' to me, it was a good read

      me like

      i wouldn't mind seeing some more of your fics on the forum, maybe a prelude to this one explaining how they lost the war so badly and what happened to the rest of the earth heroes?

      M

      Comment


      • #4
        My review:

        The good:
        - Interesting take on a defeated GLC post-Sinestro Corps War.
        - Good story flow, up until probably the middle, but worsened at the end. More on this later.

        The "can be improved":
        - Ending seemed to be a bit abrupt, particularly Kyle's defeat. I'd also love to know what happened next with Guy, but it already reached an epilogue.
        - The descriptions of the action scenes could still use work. Sometimes, I thought the writing style was too simple for a big three-ring fight scene.
        - Everyone's voice didn't really feel real. The different personalities seemed too generic in the dialogue. I thought a few more character moments or description could have helped develop the dialogue as well.

        Comment


        • #5
          Yeah. I thought I had over 10,000 words! I originally had the fight longer with a scene involving Kyle electircuting Sinestro with a wire. But I thought it'd be too risky. I also had a flashback of my end of the war instead of Kyle and Yat expalining what happened.

          Comment


          • #6
            Maybe I should release a Director's Cut. Without thinking I was restricted and putting everything I wanted in in! Like the flashback!

            Comment


            • #7
              While I like the story the way it is, it could really benefit from greater length. I was faced with the same problem, mainly because I heard of this contest basically two days before it was over and I didn't have time for a rewrite.

              The only thing I didn't like was the way Parallax possessed Guy, which is the crucial point where it strays from Geoff Johns' story. You see, when Hal was possessed, we saw it all. First, his hair turned white, then when Coast City gets destroyed, he goes on a rampage, destroys the Central Power Battery and bam, he's Parallax. With Kyle, it went a lot faster, but it was built to for months, with Maura dying a slow death. With Guy, there was no build-up in the actual comics (for obvious reasons). It was "hey, I might kill Tora", and that's enough to break him? Questionable. The problem is: A build-up in your story would have destroyed the flow (and it would have telegraphed the twist in advance). So you could have gone a different route. I would suggest you change the actual trigger in your Director's Cut. How about introducing a Vuldarian Sinestro Corps member, confronting Guy with his biggest loss: His heritage. Or you could pick your MacGuffin from a recent storyline, like R'amey Holl.

              Everything else was top-notch. I loved the open ending.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks for the reviews. And thanks for the suggestions. I will release a updated cut which will be longer and have much more scenes and character development. I know I probably lost the contest but I tried to be original and this was my idea that had great potential. I just think I may have messed up excecuting it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Superman-Prime300 View Post
                  I know I probably lost the contest
                  I don't know. I liked it. Except for that one bit.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I liked it, very well done.

                    Comment

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